Depression doesn’t define me, it is however a part of me. My blog is about my journey’s and I don’t just mean travel related. My journey through depression has been one that I hate with every fiber of my being, most people who meet me can’t believe I suffer from this awful disease. On my good days I am great, but it’s the bad days when I need people the most.
Depression can cloud your thoughts and weigh you down in an unbelievable way. For those that have never battled this monster of a disease it’s so hard to relate to those that suffer from it. Depression will steal the joy right out from under you for no reason (yes there can be triggers or it can be a random Monday). There will be days I don’t want to leave my bed, and just feel utterly useless. On those bad days, I may sit in bed all day but I will set my alarm so my kids don’t see Mom in a non-showered zombie state coming home from school. Sometimes the battle is mind over matter and you have to do it for others no matter how much it hurts.
To the husbands with wives that suffer from depression. I know it’s hard, but try to be patient. Your wife loves you, she just isn’t always in a state to show you how much. Don’t give up, instead support her and be there for her. Sometimes a simple act of a hug or holding her hand is all she needs to know that you may not “get it” but you are there for her. Believe me I know my husband prefers the good days, but he works through the bad with me. At times he even sees the “cloud of doom” coming before I can and he will do anything he can to try to keep it from creeping in. Depression can make you feel ashamed, don’t ask if I am ok because my answer will always be YES. I don’t want people to know my struggle. I know she over-reacts because I do it as well, lord sometimes these fits are ridiculous and stupid but again our disease doesn’t always stop us from being stupid. Please be patient and kind, don’t lash out. Depression is very clever, it builds up a wall of anger piece by piece, and you never notice it until it’s so big it begins to topple over. It’s a silent and brutal monster. Your wife doesn’t mean the things she says, believe me I speak from experience.
I know it’s hard to help somebody through depression if you have never experienced it yourself. I totally get it, I LIVE it! I am certain my husband thought I was some crazy lady who never wanted to shower, leave the house or be intimate. It took a toll on my marriage when life hit us in an unexpected way, my depression got the best of me and I wasn’t able to be there for my husband. I HATE this disease for that reason. It robs you of things in your marriage, your children’s lives and so much more without warning.
I love my girls, they are my world. But the beast feeds me lies like you aren’t doing enough, you need to support them more, how could you miss a volunteer day because you were having an “off day”. No sorry depression, you don’t get to take that one away. I am a good mother, perfect heck no but my girls are loved, cared for and love me unconditionally as I do them.
Depression is an awful disease that steals from so many, try to be patient with those in your life that suffer from it. Show kindness and patience, this too will pass. And if you are reading this and need someone to talk to please reach out or call a friend, a counselor, anyone just don’t let the monster win!
You are LOVED and Depression does not define you!