Sorry Target it’s Me not You

I have a long history with Target, but it’s time to break up. I used to work there, a long time ago when I only had one child and no mortgage. It was fun, I made a lot of great friends. We will dismiss the part where I racked up insane credit card bills because you can only get your discount when you use your red card.


You are so shiny and beautiful with your Starbucks and your large aisles. You tempt me Target you really do, but it’s time for a break.  Somehow when I enter those doors all sense of financial responsibility goes out the door. I may have walked in for a loaf of bread, but I just spent $200. How did that happen?


Once you enter and get that Mocha Chocolate super latte extra sugar no whip skim you spy The Dollar Spot. Here is where it begins. You need all the things, the stickers, the mini flower pots that you will never craft with, the fourth of July decorations in March you will forget about in July. It’s all so cheap, it’s in the dollar spot. I am not even 20 feet from the door and already have $25 worth of crap I really don’t need in my cart.

Once I pry myself away from the dollar spot I head past the clothes.  I don’t need any but I can look right? Nope foiled again by Target, I need the $5 tees, cute sassy Minnie T-shirt, oh and another tee with a catchy slogan like “Let’s Binge Watch Something” yes clearly my cart screams 37-year-old mother of two.

Something you learn when you work at Target, the end-caps of the departments are where they hide the clearance. They can’t have the shelves looking all trashy with it mixed in.  Clearance must go to the back of the aisle. And just like that I wasted 45 mins loading my cart with clearance that other people don’t want. The stuff is marked so low it’s about to go to the Goodwill, but I need it gosh darn it!


Target I am not even halfway through the store and my cart is already around $50. Remember I came for bread. Ladies are you with me on this? Please tell me I am not the only one sucked in by the big bullseye.

What is this cart-wheel voodoo? I don’t understand how it works, I always forget I have a deal and never save any money. This is not good Target not good at all. Can’t you just associate my phone number with some account and give me my deals. Why do I have to work for them?

How is it you NEVER ever have enough people working? What is this? Why are we always calling for back up cashiers? After I have spent two exhausting hours scanning every ounce of your store and filling my cart to the brim I just want to check out.


Speaking of cashiers, no I do not want a red card. Stop asking, I said no. This cashier knows me by name, she knows I don’t want it. Stop freaking asking.

For now Target I must bid you goodbye, I don’t seem to have any self-control in your store and blow my budget. I don’t know what magical powers you have over shoppers but it must end now. Oh and I never did get my bread.


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